Three to Four Generations...

Today in class we talked about genograms, which are a way to map out families and the relationships within families. Genograms allow us to recognize patterns that occur within the family and are usually intergenerational. Often genograms consist of three to four generations of a family. Why map out three or four generations of a family? It's long enough to see patterns emerge and it is also long enough to see behaviors change, possible find the "transitional" member who has made a change. From a family systems perspective things don't just happen in a family. We perpetuate behaviors and attitudes throughout generations.

Looking at it from a doctrinal perspective is also really interesting. In the scriptures the Lord mentions consequences of one generation affecting three or four generations after. In Deuteronomy 5:9 the Lord tells the people that if they don't repent he will visit "the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of that hate me" and again in D&C 124:50 the Lord says "the iniquity and transgression of my holy laws and commandments I will visit upon the heads of those who hindered my work, unto the third and fourth generation, so long as they repent not, and hate me." WOW. How powerful is that? It really made me think about the choices that have been made by those who have gone before me and the choices I will make that will affect those who come after me. I have seen examples in my own life of the impact of decisions made by one person on the generation/s that followed. I have seen families suffer. I wonder how soon it will take for those patterns to be broken. Some could look at this and say that the Lord is being unfair, by punishing those not involved in the actual sin. But the Lord has given us agency. We make our own choices. And sometimes we are so caught up in our own choice making and individual feelings that we don't realize how actions influence those around us. The Lord cannot take away consequences. He is also bound by laws and when we make a choice, good or bad, there is a consequence that follows. And the consequence can influence generations. I see it more as the Lord is begging us, as the keepers of His children, to make the right choices for HIS children. I don't have children so I can't come close to imagining the love the Lord must feel for His children but I know that He has a great capacity to love, more so than we will ever be able to comprehend in this life. How He must ache when He watches one child make a wrong choice and then in turn watch how that choice pains His other children.

Every day I become more and more amazed at the family unit and it's importance in this life. There is so much we can learn about an individual just by looking at his/her family. What better way to learn more about oneself than by observing the family unit and patterns and behaviors passed down through the generations. If you are someone who finds yourself a part of a family that is in a rut or perhaps struggling with patterns that have been set for ages it doesn't have to stay that way. Be the transitional person. This is the person who decides to make a change, to stop the tradition and be better. For example a man who's father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all alcoholics decides he won't. He is changing the behavior. A mother who decides that she won't yell and scream at her children because that's what her mother and grandmother did. In someways we can all be the transition person in our families. Will it be easy? Probably not. When we experience stress we often result to that which is familiar to us-what our parents did. Being a part of a family is stressful, it takes work, strong functional families are INTENTIONAL families. Being intentional obviously requires hard work.

So today I have found myself thinking about my family and the generations before, looking for patterns. We were all sent to our families for a reason. I don't believe it is coincidence. Here are some questions I've been contemplating:

So why was I sent to the family I was? Why were you?

How important is my placement on this Earth and in my family?

How will I influence those around me?

What transitions will I make or new habits I will create within my family?

I am grateful for those who were transitional people in my family. Thank you for being brave and having the courage to make the difference. I am grateful for my grandparents who were a little better than their parents, my parents who were better than their parents, and I hope that someday I can be better and that my children will also be better. I don't want my choices to hurt the next generation. I hope that I was able to convey my insights and that it can help you to make a transition. I don't remember who said it but I love it: salvation is an individual matter but exaltation is a family matter.