The New Family

This past week we discussed the new family. A newly married couple and the tasks they have to perform. We also discussed introducing a new baby into the family and how to avoid the baby blues. A newly married couple has many tasks that they must perform. They have to establish patterns, create boundaries, and learn how to resolve conflicts just to name a few. It is crucial that a couple create their own family unit. A man and a woman both leave their families to make their own, but sometimes they don't separate themselves completely. If this cutting of the strings doesn't happen then it could cause problems in the future. I'm not saying that a new couple shouldn't still have connections with their families but they need to establish their own patterns and rules for their household. One can't always be running back home in order to resolve conflict. It can be difficult and sometimes the extended family has a hard time letting go but it is so important that they let the new couple create their own family unit.

A couple may finally be situated and have their patterns established when a new baby is born. This new baby will tip all of that upside down. Brand new patterns must be developed and there is a rearranging of boundaries. There is a baby to bond with now. We discussed how often dads get left out of the process. The father needs to know that he is important and he should be involved in as much events as possible. Something else that often happens during this time is that the extended family becomes too enmeshed. While it is important to involve the extended family it shouldn't be to the point where the father feels left out. What often happens is that the wife becomes greatly attached to her mother, sisters, aunts, or other during this time. The wife may spend more time away from home visiting her mother and then the husband doesn't get the time to bond with baby and mom. I know that I have seen this happen to people in my own life. Children can bring a couple closer or it can break them apart. It all depends on how they handle it. Outside help is often very beneficial but the basic unit of the family sometimes becomes too absorbed with people outside the unit. While this time is a joyous time after a while reality sets in and that is when the couple will struggle. And when the crisis or trial comes that is an opportunity for the new family to grow and become stronger. The strong and functional family is intentional. Be intentional. The new family needs to recognize that they need to be their own unit and the extended family needs to realize and allow the new family to do just that. It won't be easy, but then again nothing really ever is. But it will help the family to develop stronger ties to each other and become a better family. It is a growing experience for everyone.