Three to Four Generations...

Today in class we talked about genograms, which are a way to map out families and the relationships within families. Genograms allow us to recognize patterns that occur within the family and are usually intergenerational. Often genograms consist of three to four generations of a family. Why map out three or four generations of a family? It's long enough to see patterns emerge and it is also long enough to see behaviors change, possible find the "transitional" member who has made a change. From a family systems perspective things don't just happen in a family. We perpetuate behaviors and attitudes throughout generations.

Looking at it from a doctrinal perspective is also really interesting. In the scriptures the Lord mentions consequences of one generation affecting three or four generations after. In Deuteronomy 5:9 the Lord tells the people that if they don't repent he will visit "the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of that hate me" and again in D&C 124:50 the Lord says "the iniquity and transgression of my holy laws and commandments I will visit upon the heads of those who hindered my work, unto the third and fourth generation, so long as they repent not, and hate me." WOW. How powerful is that? It really made me think about the choices that have been made by those who have gone before me and the choices I will make that will affect those who come after me. I have seen examples in my own life of the impact of decisions made by one person on the generation/s that followed. I have seen families suffer. I wonder how soon it will take for those patterns to be broken. Some could look at this and say that the Lord is being unfair, by punishing those not involved in the actual sin. But the Lord has given us agency. We make our own choices. And sometimes we are so caught up in our own choice making and individual feelings that we don't realize how actions influence those around us. The Lord cannot take away consequences. He is also bound by laws and when we make a choice, good or bad, there is a consequence that follows. And the consequence can influence generations. I see it more as the Lord is begging us, as the keepers of His children, to make the right choices for HIS children. I don't have children so I can't come close to imagining the love the Lord must feel for His children but I know that He has a great capacity to love, more so than we will ever be able to comprehend in this life. How He must ache when He watches one child make a wrong choice and then in turn watch how that choice pains His other children.

Every day I become more and more amazed at the family unit and it's importance in this life. There is so much we can learn about an individual just by looking at his/her family. What better way to learn more about oneself than by observing the family unit and patterns and behaviors passed down through the generations. If you are someone who finds yourself a part of a family that is in a rut or perhaps struggling with patterns that have been set for ages it doesn't have to stay that way. Be the transitional person. This is the person who decides to make a change, to stop the tradition and be better. For example a man who's father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all alcoholics decides he won't. He is changing the behavior. A mother who decides that she won't yell and scream at her children because that's what her mother and grandmother did. In someways we can all be the transition person in our families. Will it be easy? Probably not. When we experience stress we often result to that which is familiar to us-what our parents did. Being a part of a family is stressful, it takes work, strong functional families are INTENTIONAL families. Being intentional obviously requires hard work.

So today I have found myself thinking about my family and the generations before, looking for patterns. We were all sent to our families for a reason. I don't believe it is coincidence. Here are some questions I've been contemplating:

So why was I sent to the family I was? Why were you?

How important is my placement on this Earth and in my family?

How will I influence those around me?

What transitions will I make or new habits I will create within my family?

I am grateful for those who were transitional people in my family. Thank you for being brave and having the courage to make the difference. I am grateful for my grandparents who were a little better than their parents, my parents who were better than their parents, and I hope that someday I can be better and that my children will also be better. I don't want my choices to hurt the next generation. I hope that I was able to convey my insights and that it can help you to make a transition. I don't remember who said it but I love it: salvation is an individual matter but exaltation is a family matter.

Interesting Trend

This week we talked about some recent trends happening in the family. None of these trends are new to me, it is all stuff I have heard before such as cohabitation, delayed marriage, divorce, employed mothers, premarital sex, birth rates, and so on. But one thing that did stand out to me was birth rates. Birth rates began to decline in the 1950's but then leveled off around the mid 1990's. But did you know that the rate is now lower than what is necessary for natural replacement of the population? Well, it is. That I did not know! If the birth rate continues to stay so low than without immigration the U.S population will decline. That is very interesting to me and it could have many future repercussions.

Living alone is another trend that is increasing. More and more people are opting to live alone for various reasons. We discussed the pros and cons of living alone. It is nice to live alone(I often dream of it), have your own space, and be able to think and do things by yourself. But if one is living alone they must find ways to fulfill intimate needs. I have thought much about this because I will be graduating soon and off to live by myself and who knows how long I will be living alone. I don't want to become a hermit and I will need to find a way to have my relationship and intimacy needs filled. How will I do that? I can create relationships with the people I work with, in my ward, and in other social contexts. It will definitely be a stretch for me because I am not outgoing. I will have to be though, because I will probably be going to a place where I know NO ONE.

This class has already got me thinking about some of the changes I need to make in my life, perhaps I should reconsider the whole living alone thing. I've been looking forward to it for so long but maybe being alone and taking care of myself is too much of an individualistic view. I have always known the importance of family, mine is so important to me. But I am beginning to realize how truly important it is in so many aspects. I am excited to learn more and to develop a stronger testimony of family!

Beginning

Hello family, friends, classmates, and any others who may read this blog. This blog fulfills a class assignment for my family 160 class, Family Relations. I am so excited for this class. I am excited to learn about the family and what makes it tick. I really enjoy studying the family, relationships within the family, and how it all functions. On this blog I will be recording new truths, insights, or anything I find valuable from my learnings. I will often bear my testimony about the importance of families and their place in society. The family needs to be protected, it is the fundamental unit of society. To the left of this post is a list of blogs, these are the blogs of my classmates and I encourage my readers to visit those pages as well to gain new insights and learnings. And of course comments are always welcome. I hope that this semester I will be able to share my findings with many of you and that you may also gain new insights and a strengthened testimony of family.