Parenting

This week we have been discussing parenting. I have really enjoyed the discussions and I wish that I could some how retain and remember all the information so that I can use it in the future when I actually have children! I'm terrified I'll forget all that I learned and be a terrible parent! One thing that has stuck out to me the most was a line shared by someone that I have heard in the past:

The test for Godhood is parenthood.

I really love this. It is very true. God is the ultimate father. He guide's His children through life with love. I think one of the best parenting programs we can follow is God's example and how He has parented. I don't know how He does it. I can't imagine watching my children struggle and lose their way. I am excited to be a parent but also so afraid! I can't imagine the ache that is felt when a child strays. But on the other side there is also the joy in watching your children succeed.

Obviously I don't know a whole lot about parenting since I've never been a parent. But I do feel lucky to have had the opportunity to take these classes and learn things that I may not have learned otherwise. I have also been greatly blessed to have a mom and dad who strive to be good parents and have taught me so much! I am very lucky!!!! Thanks Mom and Dad for being great parents!

Relationships

I wanted to post something that I learned at my Stake Conference this past weekend. It really struck me and it applies to the family so I thought that I would share it.

Elder Chambers of the seventy presided over my stake conference and he gave a talk about strengthening 3 types of relationships

Our relationship as a son or daughter of God

The husband and wife relationship

Father and Mother relationship

All three of these relationships are outlined in the Proclamation to the World. What stood out to me the most was that he mentioned three gathering places; Home, Church, and the Temple. He then said that it is in the Home that relationships are created, at Church where relationships are perfected, and in the Temple that relationships are exalted. I thought that was so cool. It all begins in the home but attending church and the temple are also so important to the building and strengthening of relationships.

Submitting to God's Will

Today we talked about submitting our will to God's. Easier said than done sometimes. We so often want to make our own choices and we think we know what is best. But when we fight against the Lord we are just making it harder for ourselves. When we submit our will to God's that is when we can begin to feel peace. As we fight against Him there is no peace or comfort. But once we finally make the decision to turn the matter over to God then we feel the overwhelming peace and love. After we have made that transition we can also receive help from our Heavenly Father. The help can come from people in our lives or it can be added strength to press on. If we don't humble ourselves before the Lord and submit our will to His in all things then sometimes He compels us to be humble. The Lord sometimes must bend our knees for us. Let's not be like that. Don't wait for the Lord to compel you to be humble. Fall to your knees NOW and seek to know His will in your life. Heavenly Father is eager to help us and to give us the blessings we deserve when we are righteous. Don't miss out on opportunities for growth and learning by stubbornly fighting against the Lord's will. And like I said in the beginning submitting our will to God's is often easier said than done. But then again, who said life would be easy or fair? No one. If it were we wouldn't grow. So we must press forward with faith in Christ, knowing that if we are doing what is right everything will work out.

Keep the Big Picture in Front of You

Challenges, trials, and hardships will come to every family. We can't always prevent them from happening. What we can do is decide how we will respond to the crisis. The Chinese symbol for danger placed next to the Chinese symbol for opportunity equals crisis. A crisis is an opportunity for growth and learning. And it is up to us as individuals and families to make the decision of whether we will grow or digress.

So how do we deal with crises when they cross our path? Be positive. Don't dwell on the negative. Have an eternal perspective. This is hard when we are living in the moment. It's difficult to see past the problem and realize that there is a solution, there is an ending, peace will come either in this life or the next. Decide what can be learned from the situation. The Lord will never give us a hardship that we cannot handle. And we have the agency and ability to decide how we will respond. So try and see the Lord's view. Take a step back and look at the whole picture.

The New Family

This past week we discussed the new family. A newly married couple and the tasks they have to perform. We also discussed introducing a new baby into the family and how to avoid the baby blues. A newly married couple has many tasks that they must perform. They have to establish patterns, create boundaries, and learn how to resolve conflicts just to name a few. It is crucial that a couple create their own family unit. A man and a woman both leave their families to make their own, but sometimes they don't separate themselves completely. If this cutting of the strings doesn't happen then it could cause problems in the future. I'm not saying that a new couple shouldn't still have connections with their families but they need to establish their own patterns and rules for their household. One can't always be running back home in order to resolve conflict. It can be difficult and sometimes the extended family has a hard time letting go but it is so important that they let the new couple create their own family unit.

A couple may finally be situated and have their patterns established when a new baby is born. This new baby will tip all of that upside down. Brand new patterns must be developed and there is a rearranging of boundaries. There is a baby to bond with now. We discussed how often dads get left out of the process. The father needs to know that he is important and he should be involved in as much events as possible. Something else that often happens during this time is that the extended family becomes too enmeshed. While it is important to involve the extended family it shouldn't be to the point where the father feels left out. What often happens is that the wife becomes greatly attached to her mother, sisters, aunts, or other during this time. The wife may spend more time away from home visiting her mother and then the husband doesn't get the time to bond with baby and mom. I know that I have seen this happen to people in my own life. Children can bring a couple closer or it can break them apart. It all depends on how they handle it. Outside help is often very beneficial but the basic unit of the family sometimes becomes too absorbed with people outside the unit. While this time is a joyous time after a while reality sets in and that is when the couple will struggle. And when the crisis or trial comes that is an opportunity for the new family to grow and become stronger. The strong and functional family is intentional. Be intentional. The new family needs to recognize that they need to be their own unit and the extended family needs to realize and allow the new family to do just that. It won't be easy, but then again nothing really ever is. But it will help the family to develop stronger ties to each other and become a better family. It is a growing experience for everyone.

Quote

There is a quote that my teacher has quoted a couple times in class that has really stood out to me. I can't remember who said it first but I believe it was a psychologist or therapist.

"Love is the degree to which we are committed to somebody's spiritual growth and well being"

I absolutely love this! There are so many different kinds of love and often the love we feel for someone changes throughout a relationship. I think that it is easy, in the beginning of a relationship, to get caught up in passionate love or eros which is a Greek word for the type of love between a man and woman, it's romantic and has a longing to be with the other. But when we truly love someone we are concerned about their well-being and not what we can get out of the relationship. This can be a love for a spouse, friend, child, or other family member. Are we striving to help them become a better person? Do we want the best for them? Often this gets overlooked in a relationship that only has passion because we are only thinking about what we will get out of the relationship. When we get past the passion we can see the person for who he or she really is. Not just an object of our desire.

The love that the above quote describes is a companionate love. This is a love in which you see and know the other person's faults and weaknesses but you love them anyways. The couple works together to make each other better and doesn't place one or the other on a pedestal. There are shared goals and a process of building and support. The difficult thing is that the media sells us passionate love. Movies, books, songs, and many other sources lead us to believe that passionate love will last forever and that the physical is all that is needed. Through the media Satan sells us these lies and sometimes we buy it. But to have a relationship that will last we need companionate love, a love in which we are concerned about the other person's spiritual, mental, and physical needs. The couple that shares a companionate love can build a marriage and a family on a strong foundation. And it is the family that is so important to society. And it is the family that Satan is striving to destroy and one of his tactics is by making us believe that passionate love, the physical attraction and lust, is all that is needed. When in reality it is just a factor, there is so much more.

I would encourage everyone to evaluate their relationships and discover what kind of love those relationships are based on. And then remember to forget yourself and love others, be concerned with their lives and what they are striving for. And whether it is a friendship, family relationship, or a relationship with a significant other, strive to build each other up and make each other better.

3 Ps

We talked about dating and courtship a couple weeks ago. And I know that a few from the class have already blogged about this but I found it really interesting. Often people look to the guy to initiate a date and can't remember which General Authority said this but he said that a date should have 3 Ps

• Planned Ahead
• Paired Off
• Payed for

I think those are great guidelines. We talked about how important these three elements are in a date because it allows for a couple to really get to know each other by spending time together and participating in an activity, not just "hanging out". Well, Brother Williams, then compared these three Ps to the roles of the father outlined in The Proclamation to the World. They are preside, protect, and provide. The six Ps parallel each other perfectly! It was a connection I'd never seen before!

Planned ahead and preside. If a man can plan a date and be prepared then he should be able to preside over a family. He knows how to plan things and he is prepared for what may happen.

Paired off and protect. When a couple is paired off a man needs to protect his date not only from physical danger but also spiritually. Is he willing to walk out of the movie with you? Does he respect you enough to not make you do anything you don't want or shouldn't be doing?

Payed for and provide. By paying for the date the man has shown that he can provide.

While some of these things may not be apparent in the first date as a couple gets to know each other they will discover more and more about each other. I thought this connection was very interesting and a new way to look at dating. The patterns established during dating will show in the marriage and that includes finances and planning. It is through dating that you find out what kind of marriage partner the other will be.